It’s all about sex. Really. Years ago as an early psychology student I read something about Sigmund Freud that always stuck with me. Freud was overheard at a cocktail party when he claimed that all of people’s neurosis manifested from some type of sexual issues. Yep. I found it interesting, but didn’t believe it. Now, as a practicing Family Therapist, I get it.
I have listened to dozens of clients, and then non-clients confess previous sexual trauma. Incest, rape, pornography, and early exposure to inappropriate sexual material each contribute to one’s sexuality – and what arouses them, or not. Several years ago, someone told me he dreamed of his mother having intercourse with him when he was an adolescent. He had great difficulties getting aroused with his wife, whom he claimed to be attracted. After learning more, I realized this poor man wasn’t dreaming – his unconscious was coming to the surface via flashbacks in the dream state. He never disclosed this information to anyone, because his greatest fear was that it may be true. This man did get help and eventually was able to enjoy sex with his partner. But, it takes work with a competent therapist to resolve underlying sexual trauma.
If you or your partner have a history of sexual trauma, there are excellent resources available to help you heal. The book, The Courage to Heal, by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis is a great place to begin. Although this book was written by women, for women, it’s an excellent resource for everyone. I agree with Freud on this one, so much of one’s emotional dysfunction and emotional suffering is rooted in prior sexual trauma. It really is all about sex.