By: Suzanne Maiden
I have a confession: When I hate my hair – I hate my life. It’s embarrassingly shallow, I know. And I may as well be walking around naked for all to assess my body – because psychologically that’s how I feel. But, it’s my truth – exposed. And, I don’t think I am alone. I wonder how much money is spent on hair care each year in this country? I’m not the only one either.
Europeans are just as vain and even more expressive. I’m certain. That is, Europeans adapt a chameleon’s attitude. They don’t mind going to extreme colors or styles to adapt to their environment or be a wild spark of color amongst it. It’s the psychology of hair. What is it about the abundance, or lack of… the texture, the color, and the style of dead cells that spurt from our scalp each month that governs our emotional well-being? Who knows? It certainly could meet the diagnostic criteria for neurosis. I admit, I have a long-term difficult relationship with my unruly curls. Because they insist on expressing themselves contrary to my wishes.
How can something as benign as hair impact my attitude? It’s ridiculous. It’s shallow. It’s narcissistic. My thoughts must be no deeper than a puddle after a Georgia summer rain during the drought. However, the Bible makes numerous references to hair – thank goodness – I can blame it all on God. What’s the first story one thinks of? Yes, Samson and Delilah. Samson’s hair equated to his physical strength. When Delilah, in an act of betrayal, had Samson’s hair cut off while he was sleeping – his extraordinary strength vanished. This story brought increased consciousness to our hair. Hair care was born!
Our language supports our over identification with hair. Clichés like, “Her hair is her crowning glory.” Interestingly, hair does surround the crown chakra, well, if one believes in such things. No matter, when I have a ’bad hair day’ everything else seems to follow suit. When my frizz factor pegs the Richter scale – even with products – my attitude escalates too. For some reason, people seem to especially enjoy critiquing my mane. I wear my hair naturally curly. I’ve given up trying to flat iron my curls – it only last for a few hours anyway and it is very damaging. Occasionally, I get reinforcement for sustaining my natural state. One woman chased me down in a parking lot to inquire who cuts my hair, how is it cut, and what products do I use because she “loved it.” I do receive many compliments. People act bi-polar when expressing their opinion about my hair. They either love it or hate it.
Conversely, others seem to dismiss their societal manners and feel free to comment on my hair’s unruly appearance. Just this week, an older man spoke to me at the gym. I saw him looking at me, then he finally approached and said, “Wow, I just can’t quit looking at your hair – it’s uh, really wild.” I smiled and responded, “Well, is that good or bad?” He wasn’t sure. He back peddled and with a smile said, ”Uh, I don’t know you well enough to asses that yet.” Huh?
I know I’m not alone. Please tell me I am not. OK, OK, Okay! I have evidence that I’m not. Enter any ladies room (well, if you’re male, I don’t recommend this…) and you will witness women lined up in front of the mirrors. What do they primp the most? Their hair. Yep. I’ve seen my girlfriends carry HUGE (could be listed as a deadly weapon!) bottles of hair spray, clips, waxes, and serums all to coax, fuss and fret over every strand. I don’t carry all this stuff, but I get caught up in snagging some of their products as long as they have them out and available. Call me with your hair care issues at at 678-884-0524. Tell me I’m not alone… I need some support. Because, when I hate my hair, I hate my life! Do you ever feel this way? Does the appearance of your hair influence, positively, or negatively your attitude? Call me.
I hate my hair I hate myself. I have tried everything. I have long hair, I tried to cut it super shot, things got worse… I grew it long again, and it still sucks. I have tried every styling technique and every cheap and expensive product out there. I still buy crap, but nothing helps. My hair looks the same no matter what… and I HATE it. Thin, limp, lifeless, straight, boring. Same day after day after day. So depressing. I hate my hair I hate my life.
I cut my own hair almost to my ears. So ugly.. please don’t cut your own hair girls!
Ure not alone.. i dont look pretty to start with and somehow each time i go to the barber’s, i end up looking even worse than before. my hair is way too short and uneven and i look like an idiot literally I HATE MY HAIR. its the only thing that can frustrate me more then anything else and argh i can see the look on people’s face when they talk to me and all!
I have to agree. When I hate my hair I hate my life. Right now I am hating my life like you would not believe. I have ugliest short hair cut right now. I have lost my confidence. I tell my friends that ever since I lost my hair I lost my mojo. Guys don’t even flirt with me anymore or even give me a second look. I don’t get tips at work like I use too. i keep telling myself that when my hair grows back and I look god again I will start enjoying my life again.
Hey Breann – what a real comment you posted. Why did you cut your hair off? It sounds like your confidence is really impacted… I’m wondering if the guys aren’t hitting on you like before because of the nonverbal ques you may be putting out there, like lack of confidence? Just a thought. Did you notice your typo? You wrote “…when my hair grows back I look god [good] again…” You wrote god vs. good! What an interesting slip of the tongue. What part of you felt like a god or goddess with longer hair? Just something interesting to ponder. Thanks for sharing!
I have thickish wavy hair with wavy “bumps” ALL over and also i hate myself its depressing who ever has thin straight limp flat hair and wants this hair TAKE IT! :). we’ll trade. The only thing i would never change about my hair is the color!
Beth i would LOVE to have your hair type!!!!
LOL. I too suffer from this very same dilemma! Just this past summer I had a brief episode of depression and anxiety and in retrospect felt as though I needed a new hairdo. Well before my crisis struck I had actually been growing my hair out for the past 2 years and it was finally at a long, sexy length and of course as I was not in a clear state of mind…..I chopped it all off! When I looked in the mirror I was too depressed to even care that it happened to be a really ugly style on me. It was just a simple bob, but the bob do just totally does not mesh with my personal style so to speak….Well flash foward! It’s now been about 9 months since the depression episode and my hair is in this awkward-growing-out-layered-always-in-a-pony-tail stage. And consequently (just like the rest of you) I am kinda bummed when I see my hair in the mirror…I’m pretty sure the reason we tend get so unhappy and or frustrated with ugly/short hair is because it takes so long to grow out! On average human hair grows about 6 inches a year….so if you just snipped your locks to chin status, you’re probably looking at about 2 years before your hair reaches that NICE, lengthy length. So if EVER you have a life crisis or any major life change, DO NOT cut your hair (if you’ve never done so before) in an attempt to have a new fresh outlook… instead buy some new make-up or join a gym! Whatever you do, just make sure you keep all scissors away from those lush locks! Now I’m not saying short hair is a bad thing, but for the majority of women, longer is better. There are those few and far in between who can totally pull off short do’s and still sizzle with sex appeal and usually those women have attitude and nice, square jaw lines. Now for the rest of us who have fallen into a short hair rut by accident, keep hope….for there is light at the end of the tunnel…the light may be 2 years away, but it’s still there! In the mean time (if you haven’t already) join a gym, or surf youtube for short hair styling ideas. As hair is growing out it can look really cute with subtle waves or even completely sleeked out with a straight iron…even subtle highlights could give you a needed boost!
I totally agree with this post. Ive been going through what I can best refer to as a year of hair related depression.
I used to have red hair which was very nice but I eventually got really fed up pf and I also lost quite a bit of weight. I then went blonde but unfortunately going blonde from red is precarious and takes a lot of work and effort and money to regularly maintain and I srent more time feeling sad about the brassiness than being enthused about the fresh blonde.
I finally decided to go back to my natural colour ( a light, auburn brown) but the dye ended up, you guessed it, red. Now even though I am still thin I can’t help but feel fat, just due to associating red hair with my previous weight. I feel so stupid and shallow about it, but it is really depressing me. Anyway, thank you for reminding me I am not alone in tying my self-image to my hair.
omg i feel so related to zoey, i made the same thing because i was depressed i cut it and it ended up worse and i felt even more depressed … i cant look at myself in the mirror now, i feel absolutely ugly, it was 5 months ago and it stills looks like crap, im very depressed right now, because its really horrible, it looks like a cheap wig, besides i dont have a lot of hair and like it is it looks like i have 3 hairs.. im so sad
I am in the same situation , I don’t know why I did it again but I managed to. I have cut my hair short before and have experienced that awful I hate my life feeling . I finally started growing my hair out to shoulder length and for some stupid reason decided to cut my hair. The cut is nice but I hate the way it looks on me . I feel so stressed , I’m taking vitamins to see if it will grow back faster. Please if u are reading this do not I mean do not cut your hair u will hate it .
try having akeratin treatment
I have natural, wavy, dirty blond hair with golden highlights…the kind one sees in a Victoria’s Secret catalog. Yet, it was not good enough for me, and when I started feeling down, I started messing with my hair and it became a never ending cycle. I started with a funky, edgy, light blonde, shoulder length inverted bob with black underneath; it looked awesome for two days until I washed it and could not get it to style the way my hairdresser made it look when I left the salon, and it all went downhill from there… I hated my hair, but I let it grow out elbow length and would touch up the roots at home with a light, boxed blonde. Just when my hair finally looked good again, I hated it and I got it chopped off, and this time, my hair dresser went way too short and I ended up with a chin-length inverted bob that made me cry. As soon as I was able to get it into a pony tail, I clipped in a faux-hair fall and it looked good for awhile. It started to grow out and eventually it was a few inches past my shoulders, and then I bleached it out platinum, like Gwen Stefani platinum, no yellow, all white…it made me look washed out and I hated it, so what did I do? I dyed it black and had it cut shoulder length. I loved the black for awhile, but secretly, I had wished I was blonde again, and people kept asking me if I was goth…duh!! So, I started slowly bleaching it out and was stuck with a terrible, brassy, copper red until finally I got so frustrated that I dyed it light brown. I should have left well enough alone, but at least it was shoulder length. Well, I decided to get it cut because I felt like the ends looked fried and I ended up with mid-neck length bob with really chunky layers and I absolutely hate the layers. So, I thought I would get some highlights, and now it looks ratty. The haircut is so high maintenance that I have to wash it more often than I would like and round brush blow dry it and every time I look at it, I want to cry. I’ve also spent at least $100 on products that were supposedly “the best products on the market” and they do NOTHING!! Ugh…so, because hair grows faster in the summer months, I plan on putting it up, and leaving it alone and hope I can grow it out long enough to let it be naturally wavy and then I have to figure out what I’m going to do with the natural, dirty blond roots. But right now, I don’t feel sexy, or anything, I just feel like the girl with crappy hair.
I hate my hair so much right now that I only go places that I have to go (work/school)…and everywhere else I either lie that I don’t feel well or just don’t show up.
I am tired of wigs, weaves and braids.
I refuse to invest $3000 to $15000 in a hair transplant surgery.
I think my husband is really tired on me complaining but I just don’t know what to do.
My hair is extremely thick & wavy. it seriously doesn’t grow! I feel ugly without long hair so I got extensions but hated them in my head b/c they got itchy! All I want is long , stright hair , that’s it. I would be insanely happy.
It’s sooo true! Hair that you just don’t feel comfortable with wearing can totally ruin your life. Especially when you’re so used to having your hair look a certain way for so long and then your forced to go through a major change. My situation just sucks, i spent a good 2 and a half years growing out my hair, pretty much all of highschool and all i wanted was to have long hair for grad. so in grade 12 after waiting out 6 months and finally having my hair at a length i liked i decided i should clean up the layers a little and get some of the dead ends taken off. But the stylist i usually go in to see was booked up for so long and i was getting way to impatient with my thick hair that was starting to look dead and heavy, so i scheduled an appointment with one of the other girls in the salon. BIGGEST mistake of my life.
I get this fat punk rock chick to cut my hair who says shes going to make me look “rock and roll” wtf??? I didn’t want to be some pretentious bitch though, and i thought, hey just because she looks a certain way doesn’t mean shes not a great hairstylist, she’ll probably do an awesome job. Oh boy was i ever wrong! Even after I told her about how all i wanted was long hair for grad. she just completely chopped it and shoved a bunch of super short layers in there too. COOOOL. now i have this mess of a style to deal with for my graduation. Thanks a lot you bitch. And not only that, i hate my life without my long hair. It was like my comfort blanket, i could do so many versatile things with it and i would always get compliments on it. Now its this piece of crap, choppy layered mess that doesn’t look attractive at all and has just completely caused me to second guess myself. I don’t find myself attractive in the slightest bit anymore. My self confidence is completely ruined and i swear it has run me into a state of depression.
Yes, it sounds completely shallow and self centered, but when you work so hard to have your hair one way and then someone takes it away from you in a matter of minutes you can’t help but obsess over it. Its my biggest regret of life. If i had to give any person any advice on hair it would be PATIENCE IS KEY. You have to be patient with your hair, don’t rush into the salon to get it cut in hopes that it will look better and be sure to always be very clear with your stylist on exactly what it is you want done with your hair, or else you risk looking like a total fool like me who has no self confidence and a social life that has suffered completely because i hate leaving the house with this mop of a cut.
well life sucks, hope this made you all fell better about your hair because it can’t really get very much worse than this.
Worse than deciding to cut it off yourself, is when the stylist takes it upon herself to ‘trim’ your hair, by whacking ….literally….9 INCHES OFF! I could seriously do the woman damage. My hair grows so SLOWLY! This was 5 years growth. I hate her. I hate me.
I totally agree with what you say…for the past few months i’ve been hating my hair! Its always been a touchy topic for me.
My hair is super curly at the bangs and then becomes sorta wavy and frizzy and bumpy. Well there isnt one word to describe it. I remember chopping off all the curly hair in front when i was a kid. Never a good idea -__-
well i’ve been debating getting my hair straightened cuz i’ve heard all the bad stuff abt it,but i just get so jealous when i see women with straight hair.
Yep,when i hate my hair,i hate my life
Hi, you are not alone there is even a name for these feelings! This is called body dismorphic disorder. I recommend a book to you called The Broken Mirror. Which will explain the symptoms and how you can manage this disorder. I have suffered this of and on from the age of about 12 (I am now 43) and the feelings at time can be overwhelming – I have even been suicidal. I hope you read the book. Good Luck!
Hey ladies,
Wow, I felt like the only one. Thin-ish, kind of wavy, no style not matter what I do…blah. I truly feel like I would be a different person with thicker, nicer hair. It doesn’t suit my personality as it is now. Can’t seem to do anything with it. I pay money for beautiful blond and get red, brass instead. I cut it so I can have some style…nothing. Blech! Depressing and all I can think of sometimes. Shallow, absolutely. Bigger things going on in the world? Absolutely. Can I think of anything else at the moment? No. I hate it.
i used to have thick, wavy, hair (dirty blonde) just past my chest then i cut it for a change. now my hair is just past my shoulders and it has gross waves. my hairs in a bun or ponytail almost everyday. when its straighten its decent but i rarely straightened my hair before i cut it and don’t want to to that everyday because it will fry. i REALLY want my hair back 🙁 🙁 🙁
I have an album on my Facebook called “My Hair My Nemesis”. It is my way of facing reality – I have boofy, dry, coarse, thick as hell, frizzy rat nest hair and I cannot fight it any longer. This past year I have attempted to “embrace my curls”. Unfortunately, it seems those curls are not as interested in embracing me as I am them.
I hate my hair and I always have. In fact, the only time I don’t hate it is when I pay money for a hair dresser to give me a lovely blowwave that lasts for a few days – if I’m lucky – and when I wash it it’s like washing the magic away. All that self-admiration, confidence and relief runs down the plug hole, as does my hope.
Sometimes I have a sense of humour about it, more often not I don’t. And it affects my self-esteem to the point that I sometimes wonder what I am worth to the world. I can put it in a ponytail so all I have to deal with are those ridiculous stickyout bits that make me look like I’m wearing a novelty indian through-the-head arrow.
Zanny, you are dead right. Great hair = confidence = self-esteem = social acceptance = happiness. It all starts with the hair.
I totally understand! I got a bad cut and the only fix was to go really short:(. The only way it looks good is flat ironing. It’s a style for someone with really straight hair and that’s not me! I thought I was gonna have a nervous breakdown. I even had a fever blister pop out! I understand how hating your and hating your life connect!
Hi Girls,
My psyche is affected deeply by my hair, when it’s a bad hair day I also have a bad day. Maybe because of the vibes I’m sending out. So with that said……as a result of a few days in the dumps I thought a trim would be nice pick me up. However the 4 inches that was cut off was all the sexy. I don’t have a bone structure to my face so the long hair helps make up for it. Anyway I realize that scissors do not solve problems and when will I learn. Now it will be about year before I’m starting to be “OK” with it again. Until then I try not to dwell on it in the mirror; however everday I am pissed off at myself and then depressed. I have to walk around in this world for another year not being happy due to my own bad hair decisions. I feel slightly better knowing all of you feel the same way and that we are sisters in our hair nightmares. This relationship we have with our hair is seemingly such a small thing compared to the real probelms of the world and the day to day problems we all face as individuals. Sometimes maybe all we can control is what we can do with our hair so that gives us a feeling a power. Come back to me my long flowing locks. I am with you ladies in this delema.