By: Suzanne Maiden
My therapist said today: “Christmas is a diabolical system in America…. We have lost our way.” Whoa. I’d never heard those two words, ‘Christmas’ and ‘diabolical’ used together before. Let me explain.
I began our session saying that I felt discombobulated during this Christmas season. I love the idea of Christmas. I love the idea of giving to others to our fullest capacity without expectation of return. I love my increased intense feeling of connection to the Divine. I love the collective celebration of the miracle of Christ. It is beautiful. But I wasn’t feeling the love this season.
Instead, I couldn’t wait for it all to be over. I disliked fighting the traffic and shortness in others, whether is be sales people or customers. And of course family complexes and neurosis glibly come trotting out in full expression. Nothing about my experience felt reverent or restorative or remotely holy.
When I explored my dissatisfaction with my therapist, Barry, he replied: “Your feelings are accurate because Christmas is a diabolical system in America.” What? Barry continued and said, “Unfortunately, Christmas in America has become an extroverted experience.” How? Because many of us are outward and excessive during this time. Our social calendars are often overbooked with parties, some we actually complain about feeling obligated to attend. We loose our focus and the point of togetherness. The Sacred, Soul, the Divine, God feels mysteriously absent. We consume too much food and often too much alcohol. We wake up hungover and extra pounds on the bathroom scale as evidence of our gluttony. We purchase presents out of obligation instead of heartfelt love.
Christmas is a time for reflection and a recapitulation of our connectedness to all that Is. Christmas is the season to increase our commune with God. Of course, we can collectively celebrate and honor this event. But the way in which many of us do somehow and sadly feels vacant of the Sacred. I long for something deeper and more meaningful.
Christmas is about the miracle of light; it’s about the miracle of Christ’s light in the midst of darkness. This is something to celebrate, but in a much more introverted and reverent manner. One of the loveliest Christmases I experienced was in Venice.
I was active duty Air Force and stationed at RAF Bentwaters, England. My girlfriend, Paula, invited me to spend Christmas with her and her family in Venice. I vividly remembering walking the streets on Christmas Eve and the excitement, merriment and joy from others exuded everywhere. The dinner we ate felt more about the anticipation and sanctity of Christ’s birth than the menu. The gourmet cuisine was to honor the blessed gift. The message of the Divine seemed ever present. This was two decades ago, and perhaps things have changed. I hope they have not sadly followed our excessive commercialism.
I am aware that this post may sound Anti-American. Not so. I love my country. I feel blessed to be an American. I proudly served 5 years Active Duty Air Force. I get tears when I stand for our National Anthem or see our flag boldly blowing in the wind.
My disappointment in Christmas just left me to examine what is the missing piece. I agree with my therapist: Christmas in America has become a diabolic system contaminated with commercial excessiveness. We mistakenly regard Christmas as an extroverted event. In small doses and when done with meaning, this is fine. But, we have become gluttonous consumers and slaves to commercialism. If we want a deeper experience, if we seek to access the essence of the Divine, then we need to reorient our stance inward.
I agree with you. I was overseas about ten years ago and I felt more spiritual over in Germany. I felt the love of the holiday and not just give gifts and drink all night. It was a tradition to go to mass on Christmas Eve and I felt closer to the Lord and what Christmas is all about. For the counselor one. Well, thanks for the time to tell us all about how to get one and feel comfy, now how do we get you to come out to our little town in Cali and start up sessions out here… 🙂
Ha! Thanks for you quick response. Do you mean CA? Well, that wouldn’t take too much convincing since both my undergrad and grad schools were both in CA. CA is my favorite state in the union! Thanks again, for your comments.
I understand what you are saying, but I believe that Christmas, as every other event and holiday, is what you make it. To me, Christmas is extremely spiritual and religion centered. It is the beginning of what Easter finishes. We celebrate Easter very differently than most. No basket, no bunny, etc. But I respect others who hunt eggs and give baskets.
This year my extended family gave homemade gifts or heirlooms we wanted to share. We told stories and videotaped conversations. The children quoted Bible verses for their grandmother as their only gift to her (at her request).
So we did not have a shopping rush, or a candy hangover. There was no guilt about credit card debt. Christmas was what we made it.
I enjoyed your post and did not find it anti American at all. It was very well put, Suzanne!
I love the thought of Christmas (or any other experience) being personally connected with the spirit of love and family, it is just such a shame that the experience of a connected, loving holiday has become counter-culture.
I had a particularly different experience this year as I moved to California and felt for the first time a season-less winter. Being from the mid-atlantic east coast originally, the transition of seasons truly heralds the coming of the holidays, and that was strangely absent. Instead, I was left with red-and-green decorations and the holiday music canon blooming on November 1st in all the major retail outlets as the sign of the changing season.
It lead me to realize for myself that ‘diabolical’ nature, The 55 Days of Christmas, It is our anti-Lent, a period devoted to our duties of consuming, offering our spiritual connection as an economic stimulus package. The proliferation of the gift-card is the perfect litmus test for this transformation of the holidays: the offering is made twice to the register, once between people!
I would love to share the experience that you all have spoken of, however, I don’t know where to look anymore. I’ll also apologize for getting up on a decidedly unpatriotic soapbox, I just fear what we realize to be absent, might be truly lost.
Thank you, Suzanne, for sharing this wonderful piece and this space.
Not like that everywhere though. I spent Christmas in South Korea this year (2010) and they really don’t do anything to celebrate it except watch TV.
I missed all the hoopla that goes on at this time back home. Of course I’ve never had to fly during the holiday season, so there’s no saying what that’s like.